Decisions

Today our Stake President spoke to us about the theme for 2010. It's going to be "Showing the Savior we love Him, by keeping his commandments". I love the way President Sohn presents the theme...he is such a humble man and always makes me want to be better.

Steve and I are doing some checking into doing a service mission from our home. Steve is going to need some surgery and we need to get our ducks in a row before we commit to going somewhere "else" but we both feel that we need to do something. It's really good to be involved in church service for so many reasons. There is always someone to serve, some place to help, or something to do. I admire Steve and his example to me...he helps me be better and I want so much to make my family proud of me....even if that's sweeping up in the church building...I want them to know that I will serve wherever Heavenly Father wants me. This has been a humbling experience for us. We have gone to the temple, fasted and prayed...and so far...have not received a direct answer (which is strange in itself)....I believe we're learning patience and that there is something for us but that maybe some of the health problems need to be taken care of first. Heavenly Father always knows best.

Christmas Come and Gone

Well, Christmas has come and gone....part of me is glad...and part of me is sad. I notice that as the years go by and the kids and grand kids ask for money or gift cards....that the real reason for giving seems to have disappeared. It was always so much fun to shop and search and finally find that perfect gift. Yes, sometimes it bombed....but sometimes it was the greatest gift in the world. I miss those days. I think commercialism has completely taken over and it's very hard to remember what the season is about. However....I had one of those moments this year. I have reconnected with my cousin on Face Book and through our exchanges, she realized that she had some wonderful things that had belonged to my great grandparents and grandparents. She sent me (as a surprise) the most beautiful wall hanging with pictures of these dear people and little trinkets that belonged to them. There are a couple of small rings that were my great grandmother's, doilies that were my grandma's....a button hook for shoes that was my great grandmother's...a watch, a trinket from an necklace and she managed to put these on the quilt. It was probably the most meaningful gift that I've ever been given. She's not LDS, but she knows that I'm really into family history and have become sentimental in my old age. These dear people (some I knew when I was very young, some I never knew but have always felt a conection to) just mean so much to me. It was a wonderful gift. One I will never, never forget or ever be able to thank her enough for.

We had all the kids (minus Erin & her kids) for Christmas Day dinner...our usual Mexican food. It was such fun...so hectic, so crazy and loud and so fun. My heart broke for Erin this year. First years being alone are very hard...especially during the holidays. I think she had a tougher time than she thought. I wanted to be there to hold her and tell her that it will all be ok!! I know it will.

Christmas Eve we went to Steve Jr's house...most of our kids were with their in-laws that night...so we had a lovely evening with Steve, Lisa, Ashley (our oldest granddaughter) and her husband and two kids, and the 3 other girls. Alicia, Rick and the 3 kids were there, as was Lisa's Dad....and Steve Jr's Mom and Stepdad. I always love it that we can all be together and get along so well. The kids don't even think about it any more...although in his prayer, Steve thanked Heavenly Father for our family relationships. I hope we're teaching not only a children, but our grandchildren a good lesson in getting along! It's made everything so much nicer for the kids. Bonnie was always better to my two kids than their own father and stepmom ever was. I will always be grateful to Bonnie for being so good to them.

Getting Ready for turkey day

Well, Thanksgiving is almost upon us. I'm not sure why I worry about it so much...as far as I know, only Stephen, Angie and the 3 kids will be with us...but I did invite Alicia but haven't heard. Guess I'll plan around them coming and then what will be will be. The other kids are doing their own thing or dining with the in-laws. Thanksgiving is usually pretty quiet here.....it's Christmas that is the hectic day. I worry about Erin being alone for the first time. The kids are going with Sean to Angelo's house and Erin is actually going with some of her friends to Palm Springs. She's quite excited about it....and that's good....makes me feel a little less guilty about her not being with anyone. Those were the hard times of being divorced....but they were also the times that truly brought the importance of family to the front lines. I know this is going to be a difficult time...just being divorced...for Eri, but I know, too, that she will discover amazing things about herself and find out that she can accomplish much more than she ever thought. I'm proud of her for making the decision....the right way...through prayer, talking to the Bishop and fasting. Life throws us curves sometimes...but we always end up growing from those experiences.

I had my hair done today. How I love going to see Jennifer. She's like a ray of sunshine and always sends me out with cute hair and new ways of looking at life. She's opened my mind up to many new ideas and I'm grateful to Carol for sharing her with me.

It's been an amazing thing to share insights of what I'm grateful for....on face book of all things. It's made me truly realize how blessed I am...and I often take those blessings for granted. I'm expecially grateful for Steve. I honestly don't know where I would be without him in my life. He is my sun, my moon, my stars, my everything. We are going through some "decision" time right now and how comforting it is to share it with him. I am grateful for his advice and his words of wisdom. He always makes me feel better about myself and yesterday really made me know how much I'm guided by the spirit. He brought me to tears with his words....and it's truly a blessing to have him share his testimony with me....just the two of us....a very, very powerful minute that happened out of the blue.

Last night Erin called to tell me that a good friend of her's, David, that she works with, was attacked, beaten and left for dead over the weekend. We assumed it was because he was gay, and it may have been, although the police think that it was maybe a random act of violence as they took his phone and wallet. It upset me more than anything has in a long time. David played dead, hoping that they would quit beating him and leave. He (David) had just left a Halloween party and was walking to his car. After his assailants left he was able to make it back to the apartment where the party had been. He was just released from the hospital and is afraid to be alone. Erin spoke with him today and he is petrified....and who could blame him.

I've really had a difficult time dealing with this, and I'm not sure why. I've met David, but he certainly isn't a friend...perhaps part of it was hearing the sadness and fear in Erin's voice when she told me what had happened. We assumed that it was a hate crime...and that caused the hackles on my neck to stand right up.

I may not agree with his lifestyle, but I firmly believe that no one has the right, because of their beliefs, to abuse anyone either physically or mentally. I believe David and those who think like he does, should be entitled to the same rights as the rest of us enjoy. I believe this with every fiber of my being. I've thought about it a lot today, because I have always thought this way. My Mom and I used to have terrible fights because I felt that the Piute Indians who lived in Bishop with us should be treated just as we were....my mom didn't feel this way. My Dad was always having to referee our arguments as they became very, very heated. So...I started thinking...why, when I had a mom who had definite prejudices did I feel the way I did. I think it went back to my Granddad, Dave Bromley. When I was little, and I mean really little, probably not more that 3 or 4, my Granddad would take me with him to Manzanaur. This was where the Japanese Americans were kept during world war II. Granddad worked at Manzanuar. When he took me out there, it would have been 3 or 4 years after the war had ended...and there were still Japanese people there. He would visit them...and I remember one lady who would always give me a sugar cube. I thought this was the greatest thing in the world. I was too young for Granddad to tell me how he felt about the imprisonment of these wonderful people, but by his actions he let me know....and I think it made a huge impression on me. I will always feel that everyone, no matter their beliefs, their faith, the color of their skin or their sexual orientation should be entitled to the same rights as the rest of us are. We are incredibly blessed to be in the United States....and we take our freedoms for granted. I wonder what gives any of us the right to decide who should have certain rights....how do we line everyone up and say, you get this right, you get that right and you don't. What makes us so arrogant as to think that we can make that determination....I'm glad that Heavenly Father is the one to do the judging. I know my beliefs are not popular with many that I know....but I can't change how I feel....it is so much a part of me....something deep within that I can't deny....and I believe it with all my heart and soul.

It makes me sad for David and others like him....whether his being beaten was a hate crime or a random act....it had the same affect on me. Everyone, no matter how they look, how they think, how they believe or how they feel...should be able to walk out in the street without fear. It makes me angry that I now have that fear for myself, for my children and for my grandchildren. It makes me know that there is much wickedness in the world...it is all around us....we need to protect ourselves and those we love....and more importantly....we need to teach them, and remember ourselves, how to treat each other. The Golden Rule is more important today than it has probably ever been.

Today we went into Yellowstone Park...for probably what will turn out to be, our last, if not nearly our last visit, before the park closes and we head back to Salt Lake. It was a cold...almost numbing cold and dreary and it was wonderful. There were hardly any people at all. Who could blame them...and the one's who were there were mostly fishing, and mostly Montana license plates....so pretty much the locals.

Sometimes....most of the time....Steve and I get going so fast that we forget to take time to enjoy our surroundings and each other. We forget, in our day to day projects, why we love this area so much...and we forget to stop for a moment, take deep breaths, and look around at the wonders that surround us. Today we took the time. We laughed at silly jokes and each other. We held hands and remembered why we're together and why we love each other.

I thought that being retired, we would have so much time for all the things we normally don't have time to do. We both need to remember that projects can always wait. The carpet doesn't necessarily need to be vacummed today....the boats can wait one more day to be put away for the winter. A tv show can be seen when it's a rerun. Tomorrow, we can cover up the mattresses for the winter and pack away the blankets and the sheets. Today, we can and should, sit in front of a cozy, crackling fire....while it rains and snows outside...we should talk about our kids, our grandkids and each other. We have been given the gift of another day, with each other, in this beautiful area that we love so much. We need to stop and remember how grateful we are for being able to have this beautiful experience.

Family, Friends and This and That

Today we found out that Lisa and Jenny have swine flu....and in a call from Erin, in California, it appears that Spence is pretty sick, too. I guess it's the time. So far, things seem mild and hopefully they will stay that way.

I've recently had the opportunity to reconnect with some old friends through Face Book. It's been enlightening and wonderful. At first, I was just curious about how the person is doing (I haven't seen them in years, usually)...so there's lots of catching up. After awhile, I ran out of things to say...how many times can I ask what the weather is like where they live. How many times can I "like" what they are cooking for dinner. This is the friendship without the commitment.....and then.....once or twice something miraculous happens. For some mysterious reason...there is a connection....a real, honest to God, beautiful connection. It's like throwing away all the wrapping paper at Christmas...and finding in among the disgarded paper and ribbons, the gift that I had waited my entire life for. This connection is with a woman friend...and I also think that's what makes it so incredibly special. Especially reconnecting with someone who has known me since I can remember. We both have a class picture of ourselves in Brownie uniforms. We went through loosing teeth together. We were both the same age when puberty visited....We shared a lot, even if we were not "best friends." We knew each other, we respected each other, without knowing at the time what that meant, and we went on to become different people. It is a comforting, warm blanket feeling...to have someone in my life who "knows" me. Someone who had grown up with me...whether we were a near and dear friends or not...this person KNEW me. Not like my parents or sister...but different. My husband didn't know me when I was a little girl....he didn't see me in high school with all of the insecurities that teenagers haul around...he found the girl who came afterward. This friend, when we had reconnected, has looked beyond the insecurities, the labels we put on each other and ourselves when we're in high school...and we have each discovered and are in the process of celebrating the women whom we became. Talking to each other and each saying the words, "I wish I had known you, really known you back then" makes us smile with a little sadness at the years that were wasted not being able to embrace each other whether face to face or from afar. The cheerleader and the shy girl...who would have known. Spiritually...we "think" alike, even if we haven't verbalized those thoughts in so many words. But reconnecting with this most special woman, makes me know with all my heart, that I knew her when I was a little girl....and more importantly, with all my heart...I believe our spirits knew each other...and were friends...long before we came to earth. She has been the most special gift I've had in a long, long time.

Flu, Friends and Whatever

A Sunday at the cabin

I love Sunday's. It's always a laid back day where we attend church and then come home and don't feel guilty about taking naps. It was nice at church today...most of the crowds are gone, so it's pretty quiet. In gospel doctrine, Bishop Burke taught, and we talked about the Proclamation. It was very good. I know Eri has done what she's supposed to, and yet is still going through a divorce. So hard...and so hard to be away from her where we can offer more support. She seems to have a great Bishop and has gone in to talk to him. I am so grateful for that.

Today was Stephen's birthday. Seems like just yesterday that he was born. The night before (the 17th) we were having halibut for dinner, and suddenly my water broke. It was my first baby, so I didn't know what to expect. Went to the hospital, which was just about a block away. Dr Johnson examined me and said that I could sleep at home through the night if I wanted...I wanted. I actually did sleep and went back to the hospital about 9 in the morning. I was starting to have pretty good contractions. I was in the labor room (back then, no one could be in there with you) and being a small hospital, there were only two beds. Those filled quickly and I was moved to a room outside labor and delivery and down the hall. I continued to go through labor...just felt like cramps to me..and heard these women screaming. It scared me...and I wondered when I would reach that point. The doctor came in to examine me one more time and said that I had hours to go...so to be patient. All of a sudden,about 20 minutes after he left, the pain increased terribly (I still had been given nothing because I didn't need it) and I had this great desire to push...even being a first time mother, I knew that I was about to have a baby. Dale wasn't there...he had gone somewhere...so I yelled as loud as I could that my baby was coming. There was a cleaning lady out in the hall...I remember her dropping her mop and running into the room and grabbing the bed and pushing me back down the hall and into the labor room and through the doors to the delivery room. Another lady was just delivering her baby. Her baby was born, and Dr Johnson reached over and delivered Stephen. It was that quick. He told me later that I should be a brood mare (was that a compliment??) because I was built to have babies. Stephen had turned, anb boom..he was born. I guess I did natural childbirth because it happened so quickly. It was an exciting time. I remember afterwards, and the feelings were incredible...something I had never experienced before. And this beautiful little boy...that God and I had brought into the world. I will treasure that memory forever.

Random thoughts

I heard from a dear friend today and she told me about the craziness that's going on in her life. It really got me thinking. First of all, I believe that she is incredibly strong...and I think Heavenly Father knows that because He wouldn't give her more than she could handle. I would hope that I would react...or maybe the word is "act" in such a manner if I found myself in a similar situation. I guess the old saying is true, about everyone putting their problems out there and then being allowed to choose which ones we want....we would always take our own back. I think sometimes we look at others and think that they are living the perfect life....and there is no such thing. Sometimes our problems are visable to others and sometimes they are not.

On a totally unrelated subject. Steve and I went to a Preparedness presentation the other day that was for the community of West Yellowstone. It had nothing to do with the LDS church but had speakers from all different aspects and venues. The fire chief, the red cross, a preparedness expert, etc. It was very informative and inspired me, once again, to at least have the basics. I did find out that West Yellowstone would not be a bad place to be if a disaster stuck (even an earthquake) because water is readily available, along with wood for fires, game for food, etc. I have always had in the back of my mind that our home could be a place of refuge for our family.

No one spoke of preparedness with any religious undertones....until the end and I thought this was VERY interesting. A lot of these people had worked in major disasters and a common thread to get people through the situation was a belief in something....it didn't matter what....just that you had a belief and faith. The other thing they each spoke about was, when it came right down to it, the main thing was to listen to the little voice, the spirit...or whatever you want to call it. One even called it gut instinct...each said....listen to that voice...it will never lead you wrong. You may be told to go to a certain area, or some other thing...but that voice will get you through.

The other important thing is to have a plan! The scariest part of something happening is that you'll be separated from your family...have a plan of where to meet, whom to call. They each said that your kids will roll their eyes when you talk to them about this...but they will remember what you said if something happens. I need to remind each of my kids...about having a plan! And Erin's phone numbers in their cell phones...and for her and the kids to have each of our numbers in their phones.

I was also alarmed when each said that they never bring politics or religion into these presentations...but that we need to know that the news we are getting is being very filtered and that our country is falling apart around us. The government WILL NOT be there to rescue you...nor will the Red Cross. The Red Cross said that they go where they can save the most lives..in one area....that's not going to be in a small town or in your city if downtown LA is hit by something. They said that the reason they are bringing this up is not to alarm people, but to let them know that we are spiraling out of control and we need to be ready.

They are also very concerned about the h1n1 flu...and said that we're not getting all the information on that. Behind the scenes, the talk is that we could be quarantined in our homes for a minimum of 3 weeks. That means no going to the grocery stores, work, school....anywhere. We need to stock up on water..that's the main thing. Use the empty liter bottles and tie a rope between two of them. Even the youngest child can put that around their neck and carry it. Have at the minimum, some extra peanut butter and crackers around. Things you can eat without having to cook. It's expensive...but buying one extra thing and putting it in the cupboard could actually keep you and your family from starving.

I know that we've heard about this for as long as I can remember....but everything going on has a "different feel" to it now. I think it boils down to knowing that you cannot depend on anyone to help you...you will be on your own....but you will have the spirit to guide you. It frightens me...not so much for me....but for my children and grandchildren. I guess we prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

Learning the new way of journaling

My sweet granddaughter, Kaity, is an avid and passionate joural keeper. She puts everything into them...tickets, menus, all kinds of mementos. Someday in the great beyond...I hope she will let me glimpse into her journaling world. I have envied her carrying this out so easily and wished, desperately, that I could do the same. I've even gotten some cute journals over the years...and written a page here and there, but typing is so much easier. Then my darling hair stylist, Jennifer, put me onto this. She even, kindly, permitted me to view and read what she's written. She and Kaity have inspired me. Of course, my life isn't one exciting thing after another...but Jennifer told me an interesting thing the other day. She said, isn't it better for your family to see and read what you're thinking now....because maybe somehow it will help a little...and it will surely give insight into my heart. So, I'm up for it...typos and all. I'm not sure what I'm doing, but maybe as I go along I will learn (who says you can't teach an old dog, new tricks)